TOTALLY OFF TOPIC ( Like Me ) - Some Light Humor To Lighten or Brighten the Day A Bit Or Two

Dearest Everyone;

A laugh a day keeps the doctor away - here are a couple of light bumper sniggers to chuckle over - yes - a couple require some actual thinking - but they are funny.

Ron Getty
SF Libertarian

the Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are:
Coffee: The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted: Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly: Impotent.
Negligent: A condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your night-gown.
Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle: Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence: Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle: A humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon: A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster: A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism: The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent: An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.