Mayonnaise regulation

Recently a woman was sentenced to ten years for running over
a McDonalds employee for being refused Mayonnaise on her

I fully understand her rage.
A meal is just not the same without some of the delightful spread.

Mayonnaise is very important to me when I travel.
When going to Japan, I bring a jar of Best Foods, not liking
the Japanese Kewpie nearly as much.
Mayonnaise is the key staple food in my house.
I can't bear being without it, putting it on most
everything from eggs to burgers, sandwiches and
even steaks!

I too would get mad, being denied Mayonnaise.
However, why didn't she just ask for a few packs of it?
They have it right beside the ketchup and it's free for
the asking. I've done it before, I know.

A ten year sentence is far too long, however.
One must understand that she's addicted to Mayonnaise and
should be only given probation and have to go to a Mayonnaise
diversion program.

I do feel that if someone cannot be a responsible Mayonnaise user,
they need to have their Mayo rights taken away.
In fact, I am in favor of Mayonnaise education in public schools
and a Mayo-license. This would prevent these kinds of tragedies,
which now have destroyed two families.

While we all know that the wonderful creamy mix of eggs, vegetable oil and
lemon is quite good for you, the potential for abuse is great. It needs to
regulated by the government, and while we're at it, let's tax it. Just a
pennies, and for the children.

McDonalds is also to blame. We need to tightly regulate all businesses that
sell Mayonnaise. These people need to go to Mayonnaise classes, including
not only the issue of sensitivity to people with special Mayo-needs and
but food safety and storage. It's well known that improperly stored
can cause severe illness and even death.

I advocate taxing it, regulating it and licensing manufacturers, purveyors
and users.

It's time for the government to step in and take control of this terrible
Look at how well France has done with their Mayo problem.

Bruce Cohen
The most pro-Mayonnaise Congressional Candidate in the US