The Onion
by staff
"In an effort to streamline degradation of the American populace and
consolidate all forms of bureaucratic hassle into one convenient
mailing, federal officials announced Monday that, beginning in 2005,
the government will issue all citizens an annual 'Screw You' packet.
The packet, which is to be distributed in conjunction with federal
tax forms, will condense the government's countless methods of abuse
into a single handy 9x12 envelope.'The federal government's current
citizen-persecution system is inefficient and wasteful,' said U.S.
Sen. Wayne Allard (R-CO), who spearheaded the congressional task
force that developed the 'Screw You' packet. 'This compact packet is
not only cost-effective, it's user-friendly and intuitive. Simple
instructions and easy-to-remember acronyms make the filing process as
quick and painless as possible.'" [satire] (06/30/04)